Doug, just take this, okay? I can't...
I can't look at it anymore.
- It's gonna be all right, Luce. - Don't call me Luce. I barely know you.
Sweetie, you're sort of dating him.
Sorry I'm not better-looking.
What else happened since last October?
- What about my students? - Miss Campbell took over your class.
- Did Alicia marry that guy? - Yeah.
Doug, did you win the Mr. Hawaii contest?
I didn't know there was gonna be a urine test.
Wow.
Do we have sex?
No, we don't. Just so everybody knows that.
We want to.
Just kidding.
So you guys have to just lie to me every day.
Hey, Lucy. Good to see you again.
What the hell's her problem?
She doesn't remember who you are, brah.
Oh, yeah.
I suck at this job.
Lucy, these are your brain scans here.
I'm afraid they show no improvement.
The temporal lobe was severely damaged.
What we believe is scar tissue here is impairing your ability...
...to convert short-term memory into long-term memory while you sleep.
The condition's come to be known as Goldfield Syndrome.
- Who's Goldfield? - A brilliant Lithuanian psychiatrist.
He himself suffered temporal-lobe damage.
Took him four years to publish his findings...
...because he had to keep starting over from scratch.
Obviously, your sense of humor is still intact, and that's here.
Magnificent amygdala as well.
- Doctor, I have a question. - I'd be happy to answer it...
...but as I've told you before, this is a hygienic facility. Shirts are required.
- Oh, okay. - Nice move.
Listen, doctor, this...
...friend of mine's been experimenting a little with steroids.
He's been having a lot of wet dreams.
Could there be a connection between them?
Douglas, get off the juice.
As for the nocturnal emissions, why don't you take a swim...
...buy a shirt with no holes, find a wahine and take her to dinner.
I'll tell my friend you said so.
In any case, Lucy, your condition is stable...
...but most likely permanent.
I'm so sorry, dear.
But it could be worse.
Yeah? How?
I think you should meet Ten Second Tom.
Callahan Institute is the leading brain-injury clinic in the Pacific Rim.
We are funded out of Sandusky, Ohio by T.B. Callahan...
...the automotive-components tycoon and philanthropist.
And now, I would like to introduce to you...
...our most distinguished clinical subject...
...Tom.
- Hi. I'm Tom. - Henry.
- Marlin. - Doug.
- Lucy. - Hi.
Cool flip-flops. Where'd you get them?
You like those? It's interesting. I was on the North Shore...
Hi, I'm Tom.
- Henry. - Hi.
- Marlin. - Tom lost part of his brain...
...in a hunting accident. His memory lasts 10 seconds.
I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Don't worry. You'll get over it in seconds.
Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain...?
- Hi, I'm Tom. - Hi, I'm Lucy.
- Hi. - Doug.
- Hey. - Marlin.
Hey, Tom, can I tell you a secret?
Don't you think you're a little old to still have wet dreams?
- They liked that. - Hi, I'm Tom.
- Yeah, watch yourself, Tom. - Easy.
- I'm gonna go to sleep. - All right. Good night.
Good night, you guys. I'll see you tomorrow.
- And I guess I'll see you too? - Oh, yeah.
You had a rough day today. I'm sorry.
I hope you get some rest tonight.
Okay.
Good night.
So how you getting home?
- You gonna take the Likelike or... - Hey.
Thank you for being so nice to me today.
- Sure. - I don't want you to...
...strike out tomorrow.
So maybe you could talk to me about...
...lilies.
Lilies?
I'm a sucker for lilies.
Thanks for the tip.
Good night.
My, oh, my.
- Lover-boy. - Yes, sir.
You don't have to rush off. Stick around.
You've earned yourself a couple beers.
So what'll you do when you finish the boat?
Actually, I'm going on a trip soon...
...to study undersea Pacific walrus behaviors.
Sounds kind of fruity.
- Thank you. - How long is it gonna take?
About a year.
Guess you won't miss days like this.
Well, maybe days like this don't have to be so bad.
What are you trying to say?
When you guys tell her...
...she's not just finding out about the accident.
She's finding out that her life is basically a setup.
I think that freaks her out the most.
- You're an expert now? - No.
I'm saying I wish there was another way besides:
"Sorry we couldn't trick you today. Here's pictures of your broken head. "
- You want a broken head? - You'll give him one?
No, Daddy, I thought you was gonna do it.
Nobody's gotta break my head. I'm gonna split anyways.
Oh, don't go just because my son is psychotic.
Good night. Sweet dreams. Keep them dry there, Doug.
Very funny.
- Excuse me. Lucy Whitmore? - Yes?
I have a delivery for you.
- A delivery for me? - Yes.
Oh, they're beautiful.
- Who are they from? - That I can't tell you.
It's a secret admirer. He also wants you to have this.
- Who's your friend, Lucy? - Oh, well, I mean, I don't know.
We just met, but look.
I have a secret admirer.
Oh, really? What's this?
It's a videotape.
A videotape of what?
I have no idea.
But I have to find out.
Happy birthday, Daddy.
- Thank you, sweetie. - That's right. Happy birthday, sir.
- What are you, 200 today? - That's cute.
- What are you doing? - I wanted to try something different.
If it doesn't work, we've only wasted one day.
Martha Stewart faced charges...
Oh, God!
Okay, I think it's on. Go. Go.
Aloha! I'm Henry Roth.
We met here at the Hukilau Cafe about a year after your accident.
I like you and you like me, most days.
Every day is different, but basically this is what happens, Lucy.
Kikikoloko, take the camera.
- I got it. - Don't drop it.
Okay, all right. Here we are, right here.
The part of you in this reenactment...
...will be played by my good friend, Ula.
Aloha. Sorry about your brain.
I had a accident too.
Believe it or not, this my good eye.
- We ready? - Yeah.
Hi. I like that waffle teepee that you have built.
Oh! So nice of you to notice. Please, sit down.
I would love to.
My name is Henry, by the way.
My name is Lucy.
Smell my fingers?
Fish. Right on.
So, Lucy, I work at an aquarium.
Aquariums make me super horny.
That's not funny. Don't rub those.
Sorry, Mr. Whitmore, if you're watching.
It's very late, and my friend's unstable.
Come on, stop with the licking! You're making me sick.
Lucy, I'm sorry.
Anyways, I know you wish I was making all this stuff up.
I wish I was too.
But the good news is...
...so many people out there care about you:
Your dad and Doug and a couple of your friends here at the Hukilau...
...who have a message for you.
Lucy, as you know, your mother and I were best friends.
That's why I promised her that I would always help look after you.
Sometimes life isn't very fair...
...but we still have you.
Oh, and if you're wondering about this guy who's making this tape...
...he's okay.
Hey, Lucy. Just so you know, since you lost your memory...
...I became governor of Hawaii.
No, just kidding. I'm too smart.
Kualaliku! Get your brother off the dishwasher!
So whenever you're ready, we'd all love to talk to you...
...and answer any questions you have...
...and you're the best, Lucy. Aloha.
How many times have I watched this?
This is the first time.
Okay, she cried for about an hour. That's not too bad.
I bet in another hour she'll be ready to see her friends, have lunch...
...get her life back.
We could do this every day.
We'll leave it up to her.
All right.
So how's the cow?
Same as you. Every day they have to convince her she's a cow.
Wow, look. The bark is healing.
You're gonna get there.
I never hung out with you in the afternoon like this.
In this lighting, man, oh, man, you look...
...disgusting.
Yeah.
I don't know how you get me to fall for that egg-shaped head every morning.
All I have to do is slide on my designer jeans...
...and just kind of wiggle in front of you. You go nuts.
Why couldn't I have met you one day before the accident?
Don't worry, because if you hung out with me for more than one day...
...you'd realize I'm a bore.
- Oh, well, I have news for you. - Yes?
It takes less than one day.
You know something? That hurt.
Your damaged temporal lobe is causing me pain...
...and I'm gonna get you for that.
Now you're dead!
- I can't believe you're pregnant. - I know.
- And I got her on the first try. - Yeah. Easy.
And, Tammy, you are so thin.
Thanks, Luce.
And I'm so glad you finally got...
...that gender-reassignment surgery, Jennifer. I mean, Jonathan.
Mahalo.
- Here you go, Lucy. - Thank you.
- You're welcome. - You must be Lucy's friend.
- The one who made the tape. - I think he's more than my friend.
- You're my boyfriend, right? - Yes, ma'am.
So every day you help her to realize what happened...
...and you wait patiently for her to be okay with it...
...then get her to fall in love with you again?
Yes, ma'am.
You asshole!
You don't even open the fricking car door for me anymore.
You're in trouble.
I gotta go tinkle.
Okay, so tell me a little bit more about yourself.
Okay. Well, I've...
...won over seven all-you-can-eat chicken-wing contests.
- Really? - Yes.
And I'm a ballet dancer, but only in my bathroom.
No, what do you want to know?
Do you love me?
I didn't mean to put you on the spot.
I was just asking more for informational purposes.
It's to keep the video as up-to-date as possible.
Sure.
Well, love is a very loaded word.
Let's see. I...
I go to this restaurant every morning, and I see you there, reading.
And...
I love you very much.
Probably more than anybody could love another person.
And how do I feel about you?
You're excited about the chicken-wing thing.
And...
...you've been dying to make out with me for some time now.
Feeling better now?
Nothing beats a first kiss.
There's nothing like a first kiss.
Nothing beats a first kiss.
That's what I've heard.
Nothing beats a first...
What are you doing?
Nothing. I was just getting some lint off for you.
You were going for a feelski!
All right, I'm sorry, but this is like the 23rd time we've made out already...
...and they're getting blue.
I know. I know.
I mean, I really don't know.
For me, it still feels like the first time.
Okay, let's average it out then.
It's the 23rd time for me and the first time for you.
- That's about our 12th time. - Yeah?
Now, Hawaiian law clearly states after the 12th date...
...I'm entitled to unlimited boob access.
Why didn't I meet you one day before the accident?
You say that all the time.
You want to meet a friend of mine?
All right.
Jocko, this is Lucy. Lucy, this is Jocko.
Wow! Thank you. Nice to meet you.
He is awesome! He is so smart.
Check this out. Jocko, what does the teapot do when the water's ready?
- Very good. - Can I ask him a question?
Go ahead.
Jocko...
...do you think that Henry and I are ready to take our relationship...
...to the next level?
You sure about that?
Do you think I should bring him into the other room...
...and take advantage of him?
I saw that hand gesture.
- And I'm glad you did it. - Really?
- Use that. - Oh, wow. Look!
- Yeah. - They're...
They're nodding in approval, I hope.
They like you. Let me get them out of there.
Mary-Kate, Ashley, get a life. Thank you. Sorry.
- Oh, they're very nice, though. - Yeah, so are you.
Let me get you down slow.
- Thank you. - My pleasure.
All right, I just wrote this, so go easy on me.
The Hukilau was the place
Where I first saw your face
We liked each other right away
But you didn't remember me The very next day
Forgetful Lucy
Has got a nice caboose-y
I used to trick you into pulling Your car over so we could chat
But my favorite time was when you Beat the shit out of Ula with a bat
And we drove up to see Dr. Keats
And found out why Doug always Has to change his sheets
Forgetful Lucy
Cracked her head like Gary Busey
But I still love her so
And I'll never let her go
Even if while I'm singing this song
She's wishing I had Jocko the Walrus' schlong
Forgetful Lucy
Her lips are so damn juicy
How about another first kiss
Can't fall asleep.
I'm not sleeping.
I'm just closing my eyes.
Well, I'm gonna go downstairs then.
No, no. I'm just resting.
Lucy.
Yeah.
Will you marry me?
- Of course. - Good.
Don't forget about me.
Never.
Good morning.
Oh, shit!
- Help! Help! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lucy.
Lucy! Lucy! Hey, hey, hey.
I know this is hard for you to understand...
...but we are actually seeing each other.
We have been for a while now.
Oh! Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!
If I was lying, how would I know this?
You're an art teacher and you go to the Hukilau every Sunday...
...and you make waffle houses and you like Casablanca lilies.
- Stalker! - No, don't you remember me a little?
I may not be able to kick your ass, but my sister can.
Thanks, buddy.
Little Sammy Sosa's a bit shook up, but she'll be okay.
She's watching the tape as we speak.
How's my temporal lobe looking there, doc?
Don't worry. You're not gonna suffer any short-term memory loss.
But was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
Don't make fun of Henry. It's not his fault it's shaped like that.
Note the intense overreaction. That's the "roids" talking.
- Doug, once again, off the juice. - It's not juice.
It's a protein shake.
Henry, the boys tell me you're setting sail for Alaska to study walruses.
- When does that adventure begin? - That actually began...
...ten years ago. That's when I started planning and building my boat.
All I know is, out of all mammals, they have the second-largest penis.
I have the first.
That's my joke.
Did you tell Lucy about this trip?
Well...
...actually, there's nothing to tell because I decided not to go.
I mean, Lucy needs me here.
I'm just worried about going away for a year...
...and ruining all the progress she's made.
I know you think I'm crazy...
...but I think deep down inside...
- ... she's starting to remember me. - No, Henry.
That's what you want to believe. It's what we all want to believe.
But it's never gonna happen.
Okay. I gotta go to work.
Will you tell her I'll be back later to pick her up?
See you, guys. Don't tell anyone your sister beat me up.
He could go to the moon and back and Lucy would never even know he left.
Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome.
That way she wouldn't remember when I called her mother...
...a loud, obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoover's ass.
All right. There's your medicine, little fellow.
Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool!
If that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that.
How do you think I get them to double flip and play with white kids?
Okay, Willie, that's it.
This time try to stay clean for more than a day.
I made you a nice anchovy sundae.
Okay, enjoy that.
Henry?
- Hey! - How's your head?
- Oh, it's fine. Don't worry. - Good.
What brings your royal cuteness out here?
I needed to see you.
Okay. What you got there?
It's my journal. I write in it every night.
- Oh, you don't like the video? - No, I love it.
It's just sometimes when I watch it, I feel like I'm being told about my life...
...from someone else. And when I read this...
...it's like I'm telling myself.
When did you start this up?
Right after you gave me the video.
- Really? - I was so nervous to come here...
...and meet the guy that makes me fall in love with him every day.
Well, you probably thought I couldn't live up to the hype.
No. I was nervous because...
Because I came here to break up with you.
You had plans and a life...
...before you met me and now all you have time for...
...is to make me fall in love with you.
That's not all I do. I gave a penguin a bath today.
Which I'll have to do again tomorrow.
I look at my dad and my brother's lives and I won't do that to you.
What do you want me to do? Be some chapter in your scrapbook and go?
No.
My plan is to erase you completely, so it's as if you never existed.
Why are you doing this?
Because you have to understand that there is no future with me.
Don't you want to have a career and marriage and children?
I asked you to marry me. You said yes.
Kids? Yeah, I'd love to do it.
But how is that going to work?
I'm gonna wake up every morning with an enormous belly and no memory...
...of how it happened?
I have to make a new journal that doesn't have you in it.
But before I do...
...I really want you to read what I wrote about you.
I will read about it tomorrow...
...when you forget about all this breaking up stuff, okay?
I'm not going to forget it. I wrote it down. I won't let myself.
And I'm gonna do it whether you want me to or not.
I'll be at my house.
Okay, type this one in there.
Saturday, November 25th.
I drove out to Callahan Institute today and had a talk with Dr. Keats.
There's one about me.
Reminder: He makes funny noises when I kiss his neck.
I'm gonna miss that.
You sure you don't want me to put that in?
- We can skip that one. - No, let me read it.
We made love tonight! It didn't last long, but it was incredible.
It's not all about how long you go. It's... There was a connection, I thought.
Actually, let's just rip that out.
Well, that's that.
Henry, wait!
Could I have one last first kiss?
- I ain't gonna do this, Marlin. - You have to, Henry.
I'm gonna miss you, but I gotta get the hell off this island.
I'm sorry I can't take you...
...but you've lived here so long you're too big of a pansy to defend yourself.
I don't feel bad for you. I know you got a thing going on with Candace.
Candace and Bernice?
Candace, Bernice and Rose?
Yeah. I fell for one chick and I'm losing my mind. Good luck with that.
Okay, baby.
I love you.
Thanks, buddy. Remember to use a condom.
Or in your case, a Hefty bag.
Well...
Okay, you guys. Thanks for coming to say goodbye.
Be careful.
You make sure your father doesn't get eaten by a shark.
Thank you, buddy. What does that mean again?
Bring me back a T-shirt.
Oh, okay. You got it.
Come here. All right. Love you guys.
My shirt size is medium husky.
Hey! Kikikuloa!
No flippies off the dock! You could get hurt!
No! All right. Let the master show you how to get it done.
Now you kids go down there and find my nuts.
Sure you don't want to take Doug?
Hey! What the heck are you guys doing here?
I spoke to the harbormaster and he said you were setting sail today...
...so we thought we'd wish you bon voyage.
This is from Nick and Sue. They send their best wishes.
That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right.
I love Spam and Reese's. Can I have it?
I guess.
- Doug! - That's all right.
- I'm sorry. - So...
...how's Lucy?
Actually, she's living at the institute.
- When did that happen? - Three weeks ago.
Said she didn't want to be a burden to me and Doug anymore. I don't know.
I couldn't talk her out of it. You know what?
She's doing really great up there.
She's teaching an art class and she gets to paint every day.
In fact, she's even singing again.
Hey, look, I got a little gift for you too.
It's just a little something from one sailor to another one.
You take care of yourself out there.
- I will. - Okay.
Henry did not tell me about you.
Your fisherman muscles.
Can I touch?
Sure.
Yes.
The Beach Boys?
How nice of him to give me a CD that will remind me...
...of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter.
What an asshole!
Oh, why?
Why would you do this to me?
You sick bastard!
Oh, my God.
Is he trying to tell me something?
She only sings on days she meets you.
She remembers me?
Holy shit!
She remembers me!
Julia, that looks great.
Excuse me. What am I doing?
You're painting a picture. And you're doing an excellent job.
Oh.
Holy crap! I suck.
Hey, hey, hey.
- Can we help you, sir? - Yes. I have an appointment.
- What's your name? - My name?
Dude, he forgot his name. I feel bad for him.
Just go on up. And good luck with that memory problem.
Yeah. Thank you.
What?
Lucy!
- Hi, I'm Tom. - Hey, I met you before. I'm Henry.
Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for Lucy Whitmore.
Any idea where I can find her?
Hi, I'm Tom.
Oh. Thanks anyways.
Lucy!
Lucy Whitmore...
...can I ask you a question?
Do you have any idea who I am?
- No. - No?
That sucks.
- What's your name? - I'm Henry.
Henry.
I want to show you something. Will you come with me?
Well, yeah.
Hey. Do you know who that guy is?
Dude, I don't even know who I am.
Oh, well, you're Pablo Picasso.
- Really? - No. Not really.
This is my studio.
I don't know who you are, Henry...
...but I dream about you almost every night.
Why?
What would you say if I told you that notebook you read every day...
...used to have a lot of stuff about me in it?
I would say that that makes a lot of sense.
You erased me from your memories...
...because you thought you were holding me back from having...
...a full and happy life.
But you made a mistake.
Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life.
You're the girl of my dreams...
...and apparently I'm the man of yours.
Henry.
It's nice to meet you.
Lucy, it's nice to meet you too.
Hi, I'm Tom.
Henry, Lucy. Nice to meet you, Tom.
Now why don't you come back in ten seconds so we can meet again?
Do you, Honah Lee, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife...
...to have and to hold from this day forth...
...as long as you both shall live?
- I do. - Really?
Even though in, like, 10, 15 years...
...she could possibly let herself go and then, like...
...sex could be, like, nauseating for you?
What are you, nuts? Your wife's right over there.
I'm just kidding, Muumuu!
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Mazel tov!
It's very cold, so when you're ready...
...put on a jacket and come have breakfast with me. Love you.
Hey, hey! Good morning, Mrs. Roth. Would you like to meet your daughter?
Go say hello to Mommy.
Hi, Mommy.
That's right.
Good morning.
Oh, my goodness!
- Grandpa's here. - Hi, Dad.